About 30 years ago I found an old cassette tape in my dad’s things. The source was not identified, but it was someone who received a phone call from. That was the inspiration for a sermon I delivered years ago, which I have edited and updated for today’s devotion. It is a bit longer than most, but I hope you enjoy it.

Hello? Yes, this is Mike. Who is calling? Heaven? Is that you, Gary? No? It really is heaven? Why, yes, I’m a Christian? Operator, this ain’t a collect call, is it?

Hello? Yes sir! Yes sir! I’m thrilled to death you called, I truly am. Well, yes sir, it’s good to hear from You. You haven’t heard from me for awhile? You know, its funny, but just last night I was going to pray. Yes I was. My wife and I were laying in bed, listening to the television, watching Monday Night Football, and I told her that as soon as the game is over, I’m gonna switch off the set, say my prayers and go to sleep. But you know, we set the timer on the TV, and I got so tired that I was asleep before that game ended. It’s not that I didn’t want to pray.  I was so tired I just went plum off to sleep, Lord. But I tell you what I’m gonna do – I’m gonna do better. I’m gonna start tonight. I’ll say my prayers tonight whether I need to or not!

Sir? Yes sir, I go to church! I sure do! Every Sunday, well, almost every Sunday. I’m a faithful church member. Yes sir. Did I go last Sunday? Yes sir, I sure did! What did the preacher preach about? Well … he preached about … uh … it was on … he referred to Matthe… uh … Isai… uh, no, that was a couple of months ago … let me see … Sir? Did I go the week before? Well, you know, I can’t make it every week, Lord. I’d like to, but I can’t go every week. After all, I work hard all week, and I need a little time for myself on the weekend. And that partcular Sunday was so pretty that I went … what’s that?  Oh! You know where I went. Yes sir. I caught two stripers and four crappie.

What’s that? Yes sir! I’m a good steward. Now, by that, you mean tithing, giving to the church? Yes sir, I’m a real good steward. Yes sir, I give to the church. Every Sunday! What? Well, yes sir, every Sunday that I go. Am I growing with the church? Yes sir, I sure am. Just last Sunday I gave $5 more that I did the time before that! Sir? Well, yes sir, that’s right, there wasn’t change for a twenty in the collection plate when it came by me last Sunday. How’s that? What do you mean I’m not a faithful steward? Lord, I gave over $500 last year! And after all, I … sir? You mean do I understand what stewardship means? I … it means that everything I have belongs to You, and you want me to give the first 10% of everything back to you. Well, Lord, I tell you, right now you kinda got me in a bind. It’s gonna be kinda hard to give any more right now…yes sir, 10%. But I told you, I gave over $1000 last year! How much did my wife and I make last year? Was it over $100,000? Yes sir, it sure was. But I guess you already know that, don’t you? What percent is that? Less than 1%. Boy, you are good at math!

Let me tell you, Lord, I understand what you’re asking for, but let me explain. You see, if I don’t pay my mortgage, they’ll take my house. If I don’t pay my utilities, they shut off the water and the power. I’ve got to keep making payments on my boat, or they’re gonna come take it away. And then I’ve got a few medical bills I need to pay, as if those doctors need anymore money!  Now once I get all those things paid for, and then put my kids through college, I figured I’d start tithing then. Yes sir! If I don’t pay for those things, we’d have to do without! What? Well, if I don’t pay my tithe, nothing happens, right? Pardon? Where did I get all this stuff from? Who gave it to me? Nobody gave it to me, Lord. I worked hard for all I’ve got! What’s that… oh, yes, if you want to get technical, I guess it does all come from you … 10%? Well, Lord, if I don’t make my boat payment, they’re gonna come and get it, and then I won’t have it!  … If I didn’t have a boat payment, maybe it would be easier for me to tithe? Yes sir, I guess it would. You think maybe I have my priorities mixed up? Well, yes sir, maybe I do.

What’s that? Am I involved in my church? You bet I am. Yes sir. I’m very involved in my church. Every time somebody comes by here to tell me there is something going on at that church that shouldn’t be, I’m the first one there to jump all over that preacher and tell him what I think! Yes sir! Sir? Oh, that ain’t the way to do it, huh? Well that’s the way most of ‘em do it! Oh, this is a person to person call, just to me, huh?

Well, yes sir, I help out in the church when they ask me. Well, no, not every time they ask me. When was the last time I helped out at the church? Uh…well … let me see … oh yeah, I remember now. I stopped by at the church to see if I could borrow the preacher’s chain saw, and he had to go get it and I sat and answered the phone while he went and got it for me. That don’t count, huh? Yes sir.

Oh, yes sir, I read my Bible. Yes sir, —I sure do. I love my Bible. When was the last time? Well, sir, I believe it was, well, … well, you know, Lord, every time I go to church, the preacher reads it, and he reads to us right from the Bible, and I mean, after all, ain’t that the same thing? He’s reading it to me. Yes sir, I’m supposed to read it, too. Yes sir.

Well, no, Lord, I don’t go to Sunday School. I told you earlier, the hours I work, I like to sleep in a bit on Sunday … what’s that … well, yes, I do get up early if I’m going fishing … I suppose I could wake up early enough to go to Sunday School if I wanted to. Yes sir. But I make my kids go. Yes sir, they go. I see to that. Uh, one of the people from the church picks em up and brings em home again. Yes sir, I’m a good influence on my kids. Never in this home do we do or say anything that wouldn’t be a good influence on our children. What’s that? What did I say when I got my thumb caught in the screen door? You heard that, did you? Well sir, its just like I tell my kids, “You don’t do as I do, you do as I say!”  Yes Sir! That ain’t the way?

Do I give you the praise? Yes sir, I sure do. Just the other day, when I was 30 minutes late for work and slipped in without the boss seeing me, I said, “Thank God, I made it again!” Yes sir, I always give you the praise. What’s that? That’s not what you had in mind? That’s not keeping your commandments? Well, Lord, ain’t the commandments in the Old Testament? Aren’t we living in the New Testament? Read my Bible and find out? Well, I kinda figured that while I was talking to you, you might kinda bring my up to date on things. What’s that? By following your commandments I show you my gratitude? Well, yes, that does make sense.

What? Oh, no, Lord, we don’t gossip. No sir, we don’t do that. We don’t say anything about anyone unless we’re absolutely sure it is true. Yes sir! And then we only tell our closest friends our neighbor’s faults, and we tell them not to tell anyone else, even if our neighbor is no good. We tell them that it is just between us and should go no further. Oh, you know about that.

How’s that, Lord? I need to go to church more? I need to pray more? I need to be a better steward?  I need to live my faith? Yes sir. I believe I understand. Even if I’m giving my 10%, I’m not doing anything special, I’m not giving you anything that doesn’t already belong to you. I’m just paying a debt of gratitude. What’s that? Did I ever stop and figure out at 10% how far behind I’d be with you? No sir, I don’t believe I’d like to know that. What’s that? You won’t hold that against me? Oh, yes, I know, you promised that Jesus took care of all that.

How’s that,? That’s the main reason you called? You want to make sure I understand how much you love me? Well thank you, Lord! I love you, too. What do I think your love is? How would I describe your love? Is that a trick question, Lord? Oh, it’s not a trick question, and its not hard. The answer is easy? I guess the answer would be Jesus. Yes sir. I remember what I learned about Him. You loved me enough to send Him down here to take care of all the sin I’ve done. Yes sir, I believe that. And I believe that His death really did pay for my sins. Yes sir, I believe He rose again from the dead.

You know what, Lord? I think I know where you’re going with all this. When I remember all that you’ve done for me … well, I’m gonna do better. I will do better. Yes sir. I guess I haven’t considered all the blessings you’ve sent my way. Yes sir, I know that it’s a blessing to be able to worship you in this country without violating man-made laws. Yes sir, I realize that you must love me to have given your Son to die on a cross for me. I want to thank You for that, Lord, and I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna start doing better. I’m gonna rededicate my life right now. I’m gonna quit talking about my neighbors. I’m gonna start tithing my 10%. I’m gonna go to church on Sunday. I’m gonna go to Bible Class, and I’m gonna take an active part. I won’t have to take anybody’s word about what’s going on in the church, because I’m gonna be there myself! Yes sir! And I’m gonna pray more, talk to you more. And it would be nice to hear from You more, Lord! What? Oh, that’s why You had those guys write down Your Word, so I could hear you talking to me all the time?  I understand.

Uh, Lord, if I’m gonna do better, I’ll need your help. You will? Thank you, Lord. Yes sir. And it’s been good talking to you, too. I’m glad you called. OK. Bye now.

What’s that dear? Who was on the phone? You’d never believe me if I told you. No, it wasn’t a wrong number. Boy, did He have my number!