Have you ever heard an insincere apology? Like when you see your kid do something they should not do and you instruct him or her to apologize. The child will dutifully say, “Sorry!” while rolling their eyes, insincerity dripping from their lips and their body language expressing how little they mean it? Adults can be just as guilty. In fact, our society seems to be encouraging this type of behavior.
Pantene Commercial https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcGKxLJ4ZGI
Did you catch what two of those ladies said? “Sorry Not Sorry.” The commercial equates that with being strong and standing up for yourself. I’m going to do what I want and I don’t care what you think or how you feel. Here’s another example.
Just Fab commercial https://www.ispot.tv/ad/wS0H/justfab-com-not-sorry-first-pair?fbclid=IwAR30TFyCiP-_Dy8xDhh7yJsDPQrCb9MoWTEg-IUElHZ4PrC4zImm5Lgw9NQ
Again, the message is “I don’t care about anyone but myself. I’m not sorry.”
And this year, Old Navy used the “Sorry Not Sorry” phrase to justify running ads for Christmas shopping in October.
Old Navy Commercial https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsVGtiGSjiU
By the way, the fact that these commercials feature women using that phrase is not meant to say this is merely a female attitude. While men may not use the same phrase, this attitude is just as much a problem for the male of the species.
According to the Dictionary, the primary definition of “sorry” is to feel sorrow or regret. But that is not how we primarily use the word. More often than not we say “sorry” in an effort to justify our behavior and excuse ourselves from wrongdoing. How often have you said “sorry” when you really didn’t feel any sorrow or regret for your actions?
As children, we are taught manners; to say “please” when we want something, to say “thank you” when we receive something, and to say “I’m sorry” when we’ve upset someone or done something wrong. But apologizing is more than just good manners. To say “sorry” should mean that you recognize you have hurt someone and you genuinely feel bad for doing so. It should also mean that you will try not to do the same hurtful thing again. Saying “sorry” should be an honest admission of remorse, not a casual dismissal of wrong behavior.
That phrase “sorry not sorry” is interesting because it is actually very honest. It is an honest statement of a total lack of remorse. It is the exact opposite of saying you are sorry under the pretense of saying you are sorry. But the message being sent is very clear. I only care about myself. I don’t care how my behavior affects anyone else. Deal with it!
A few years ago I heard my grandson Malachi jumping on our bed, even though he had been asked not to do so. I opened the bedroom door and caught him in the act. At first his facial expression was sheer joy in the moment of bouncing. Until he saw me and realized he had been caught. Immediately he frowned and put is head down and looked about as dejected as you can look. He was sorry. Not for jumping on the bed, but that he had been caught doing so.
What does this have to do with our lives as followers of Jesus?
- First of all, insincere remorse is totally worthless, both in the eyes of men and in the eyes of God. The attitude SORRY NOT SORRY will not help you in the presence of the Almighty.
- Secondly, simply being sorry does nothing for you or for God. Sorrow over being caught in your sin is not enough. There has to be more.
The “more” that God desires is Repentance, asking God to forgive you and turning away from your sins. Repentance is not the attitude SORRY NOT SORRY. Repentance is a recognition of your wrong, turning away from it and to God, and saying, “God, be merciful to me a sinner.” Paul spoke of that in 2 Corinthians:
2 Corinthians 7:8–9 Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us.
Again, being sorry in and of itself is not enough. It is only the first step. However, if being sorry leads you to repent, then you have the proper attitude. Of course, none of this makes any sense apart from Christ. There is no true repentance without faith in Jesus. It is not our remorse that makes God forgive us. It is not our repentance that compels Him to be merciful. It is His love that He revealed to us in Jesus that enables us to have forgiveness and life.
Titus 3:4–7 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.
He saved us because He is merciful. Repentance does not cause God to forgive you. Repentance is the attitude of your heart that is needed to receive the gift of salvation that Jesus earned for you by His life and death. It is only when you have been brought to faith in Jesus that you are able to appreciate all that God has done for you and be repentant. And that is an ongoing process in the lives of believers. We continue to sin and fall short of what God would have us do, so we need to continue to repent.
Romans 2:4–6 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance? But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God “will give to each person according to what he has done.”
Did you notice that both of those passages speak of God’s kindness? The Titus passage says that His kindness led Him to send Jesus to take your place in punishment and pay your penalty for sin, which is what saves you. And in Romans we read that God’s kindness leads you to repent. It all originates in God, who is loving and merciful and kind and giving. If it were not so, we would have no hope. But because of God and all that He has done for us in sending Jesus, we have the hope of eternal life.
While the world may tell you SORRY NOT SORRY is an acceptable attitude, that is a far cry from the attitude the heart of a believer in Christ should have. When you see the love of God in the face of Jesus, when you believe that He died for you and is your Savior, you will feel sorrow over sin, repent, and gratefully receive the gift of forgiveness and life and salvation that He gives you.
